inside a chinese wedding - sort of

Planning a wedding on the other side of the world isn't easy, and in doing so, this means half the people we want there to celebrate with us won't be able to. We don't expect our friends from China to fly across the world to watch us dance badly in Florida. At the same time, no matter where we get married, we would have this problem. With Dom being from England, myself being from the US, and us having met and lived in China...well, you can't please everyone, let alone everyone on three continents!

Our policy is invite everyone we want there and let them know that we are reasonable, and understand if they can't make it given the location. The question is always raised if we will do something in China. Originally, I said no. I have friends who have had two and even three weddings, one in each location. But this just isn't us. To let you know why, lets take a closer look at Chinese weddings...

Chinese weddings are reception based only, they don't do the whole ceremony/vows part, they just skip right to the fun stuff, well, in theory the fun stuff. Usually the reception banquet style dinner, held at a four or five star hotel. Large soft-touch glamor-shot style photos of the couple are blown up to poster size proportions and are placed at the entrance to the restaurant. The couple stands at the entrance and greets their guests. The bride will be wearing a white western style wedding dress to start off with, and the groom will be wearing a suit. Guests' attire is pretty much, anything goes! You'll see jeans and sneakers and some people in ball gowns. After a little while, the bride will disappear and change into a traditional red qipao. Decorations are the Chinese character for happiness, displayed in showing the character twice and upside down for good luck. Basically, double-happiness. The bride will usually have her nails done in bright red to match her dress, with some gold glitter design on them - ghetto fab style.

Food will start arriving instantly, and the more you drink the better (and more enjoyable, trust me). Your table will be egging each other on, toasting and downing the cups of beer in what in the US we would call 'shooters'. The groom and his bride (by now clad in red) will start making the rounds. Someone will be following them carrying a tray with candy, cigarettes and booze - you know, the basics. The couple will do a toast (shooter) with each table, the bride will give the women candy and the groom will pass out cigarettes to the men. Apparently women in China don't smoke, wink wink. By the time this is done, the bride, who probably doesn't normally drink, is smashed, as is her husband. I've been to a few Chinese weddings where the groom has been sick several times during this process - the classy affair quickly turns into a scene from a frat movie.

The whole event goes on for just a few hours, and is almost always on a Saturday or Sunday at noon. A black car with red roses taped to the hood bring the bride and groom, and the wedding party follows in black cars with balloons. You can spot these parades almost any weekend in Beijing.

In a twist on this, foreigners are increasingly getting married in China and hosting uber-traditional Chinese weddings. In a sense, they are more Chinese than Chinese weddings. One friend last year was carried in on a chariot, then a traditional Chinese lion dance took place, the bride wore a red qipao, and the couple did a traditional tea ceremony before going in for the banquet. During the banquet, there was entertainment, the traditional Sichuan changing mask performer. The bride and groom were both British. My Chinese friend at the wedding told me it was more traditionally Chinese than any wedding she had been to or ever heard of. That is saying something.

Most recently, two other British friends (see a trend here?) had a wedding, in which they arrived by Rickshaw, the bride wore red and then there was a banquet with Chinese acrobat entertainment held in a courtyard style restaurant.

It's really saying something when foreigners are having weddings that are more traditionally Chinese then Chinese couples! (For fun, try saying that sentence fast a few times...)

Dom and I don't mean to be the party-poopers and stop the trend, but we just don't see ourselves going all out like that - maybe we're just too lazy. But on the other hand, we DO want our friends in China to be able to celebrate with us without breaking the bank. Hopefully we can think of something to do in China that will be fun, but won't have us competing for most traditional wedding of the year...