transcript of a beijing cab ride

The other night I was taking a cab from work to meet my hubby for dinner, and had one of Beijing's super-chatty cabbies. When I first moved to Beijing years ago, this was very common. I often got cabs where the driver wanted to chat, let me practice my Chinese, practice their English, discuss world affairs and so on. However, this has happened less and less over the years - who knows, maybe I've become more of a city girl and seem less approachable, or maybe cabbies are just that much more used to having foreign passengers and we don't bring the 'wow' factor that we once did.

As I hopped in the back seat, I popped in my earphones and readied my ipod to get me through the 20 minute bumper to bumper traffic jam I was facing. With Rhianna blaring, I see my cabbie start talking to me in the rearview mirror. So I turn down the volume to answer some questions about where I'm going, and what route is the best way to go. As soon as the volume goes back up, I see him asking me another question, so again, I turn down the volume. This is the standard question - what country do you come from? So I say America. He gives me the thumbs up, and returns his attention to the road, and I get back to my music but keep the volume down. Wise move as about 30 seconds later he asks me, where I work. 30 seconds later he asks where I live. And this is the point where I turn off the ipod and put it away, because I know this is going to be a chatty cab ride.

Here's how the rest of the conversation goes:

Cabbie: Why do you live so far away from your office?
Me: Because we lived there before I got this job.
Cabbie: How long have you lived in China?
Me: Over 5 years.
Cabbie: Wow! Your Chinese is really bad for someone who has lived here 5 years! Your Chinese is maybe the level of someone who has lived here 3 years...
Silence.
Cabbie: But at least you understand what I'm saying. Although, you don't look old enough to have lived here for five years.
Maybe he's trying to compliment me after the previous insult?
Me: I am, I'm 28.
Cabbie: No way! 28?! Wow, I would have never expected that.
Uncomfortable silence.
Cabbie: You're really pretty...
Me: uh, no... not really.
Cabbie: No, really, you're very pretty! Beautiful!
Uncomfortable silence, and I'm thankful that I'm sitting in the back.
Cabbie: You're a little fat, but I like a little fat. Too skinny is not good.
Me: Uh, yeah. I'm a little fat in China, not in the US.
Cabbie: No, the US has lots of really fat people! So fat!
More silence - me contemplating if I'm close enough to walk to where I'm going...
Cabbie: Are you married?
Me: Yes, my husband is British.
Cabbie: Ah, he speaks English too? But not the same English, right? Can you understand each other?
Me: Yes, the pronunciation is different, but its still the same language. Not like China with the different dialects, you can still easily understand each other no matter if you're Australian, Canadian, English or American - its still the same language.
Cabbie: Do you have children?
Me: Yes, a daughter, 16 months.
Cabbie: Ah, that's why you are fat! I bet you were thin before the baby.
Me: Yes, it takes time to get back to pre-baby size.
Cabbie: You must have been VERY pretty before your baby, you must have been thin. But hopefully not too thin. I don't like too thin.
Me: I can get out here, thanks!